Gardening Humor

God's Warrior · Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:31 pm Post subject: Gardening Humor

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. The flowers arrived at the new business site and
the owner read the card: "Rest in Peace."

The owner was annoyed, and called to complain."Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, and sorry you were offended," said the florist. "But even worse, somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

God's Warrior · Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:32 pm Post subject:

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
When the going gets tough, the tough get growin'.
By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb over the fence.
What is small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish.

God's Warrior · Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:32 pm Post subject:

The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.

God's Warrior · Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:33 pm Post subject:

Clear indications that you have too much Zucchini:

Your neighbor finds them every morning in his mailbox.
You are eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, snacks too.
You have a flute made out of a Zucchini.
The stores pay you to take some off their shelves.
Even the field mice stop eating it.
You till under the Zucchini plants, but still have more today than you had yesterday.
Nightmares about a giant Zucchini wakes you in the night.
Your kids are using it for building blocks.
You spray your zucchini plants with sugar water to attract insects. But, they won't bite.

God's Warrior · Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:37 pm Post subject:

You Might be a Redneck Gardener If:

You mow your lawn and find a wheelbarrow.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it is yellow.
Kudzu covers your arbor.
You don't water your front yard rather than mow it.
You know how many bags of fertilizer your car can hold.
You've ever cleaned your house with a leaf blower.
You empty the trash when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
You can amuse yourself for more that an hour with a hose.
You've been cited for reckless driving on a riding lawn mower.
You move your weed-eater to take a bath.

God's Warrior · Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:38 pm Post subject:

A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields
were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first
day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"

A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"

"Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"