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WISE SAYINGS and ADULT TRUTHSWISE SAYINGS
The following were taken from Blackie Sherrod’s “When all else fails, try common sense,” in the July 4, 2002, Dallas Morning News.
Think about it: If you had to live in Afghanistan, you would be mad at everybody, too.
The immigration problem in this country was first noticed by a fellow named Geronimo.
The supreme kindness a man can show his family is to die rich.
Perhaps the Defense Department should note that Noah built his ark in dry weather.
Don’t be too quick to clean out your garage. Uranium used to sell for $2 a ton until someone discovered you could kill people with it.
The trouble with people who can’t communicate is they won’t stop trying.
Those books you set aside to reread someday? You won’t.
The man of few words is seldom elected.
The trouble with lying is it requires an excellent memory.
Laugh at bad jokes, and you will seldom have to buy a drink.
The most under appreciated American is the chap who invented the lounger---unless it is the guy who came up with the remote channel changer.
Eventually, you realize the real intelligent guys are too smart to run for office.
You can’t have everything or you would run out of storage space.
The wisest warrior always over-estimates his opponent.
If our elected officials would only remember: When all else fails, try common sense.
He who hesitates is rear-ended.
Eventually, you will realize the alarm clock is the cruelest invention.
Good health is no longer the problem; it is finding a disease that Medicare will accept.
Peace is like a Sophia Loren movie. It never lasts long enough.
A baseball strike makes about as much sense as nonalcoholic beer.
Those who live by the sword die by the bullet.
The fellow who started nudist colonies must have had a weird sense of humor.
The civics books neglected to explain why taxpayers are asked to pay for stadium luxury boxes they will never see the inside of.
Show me a liberal who won the state lottery, and I will show you a conservative.
Adult Truths ***
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection .... again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey, but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies ...... Quit Laughing!
|smokey the dog
#24 is a hoot!
I agree with #4 There is great need for a sarcasm font.
“All of life is a journey which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there.”
"When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly." Edward Teller